First Ultrasound - 8 weeks, 5 days

Holy cow!  Waiting for that first ultrasound will fill anyone up with anxiety.  Waiting for it after having a previous miscarriage, one that came with no symptoms, seemed impossible!  But today finally came and here's how it went.

I went with Trevor to Mankato this morning and while he was in class I got to hang out with Angie and her girls.  I was pretty nervous and ended up spilling the beans.  Trevor and I had lunch at Noodles when he was done with class.  The first appointment for our last pregnancy was exactly one year ago and I ate at Noodles then, too.  I was hoping it would bring us some good "come full circle" luck.  We still had 2 hours to kill after lunch, so we went to the mall for a little bit.  After one hour we decided to just go to the clinic early and wait there, maybe we could even get seen early.  

I knew the drill at the clinic, and that the ultrasound part comes at the very end of this ridiculously long appointment.  First, the Medical Assistant called me in for some basic vitals.  My blood pressure was 122/64 and my pulse was 78, both of those are actually fairly high for me.  I wonder why...

The Medical Assistant sent me back to the waiting room for what felt like an eternity.  I'm sure it wasn't.  The next step was both of us meeting with the OB Nurse Educator.  She went over prenatal health and took a thorough medical history for Trevor, me and our families.  She answered a few questions about pregnancy "rules" then we were sent back to the waiting room.  Funny side note: I had to go to the bathroom pretty badly at this point, so she showed me the bathroom on the way back to the waiting room.  After I went to the bathroom, my doctor's nurse stopped me on the way out.  Typically the lab is the last stop, but I think they were filling time and wanted to send me down there now, before seeing the doctor.  We went down to the lab for blood work and, you guessed it, a urine sample.  Luckily, a pregnancy symptom is frequent urination so there was no problem.

We came back up to the waiting room...again...and we both were getting really anxious.  Trevor was focusing all of his energy on random cell phone games.  I couldn't focus on anything.  I was freezing when we arrived and was wearing a sweatshirt, but quickly started sweating and took it off.  

Finally...we were called in to see the doctor.  But, of course, doctors' time is more valuable than ours so once in the exam room, we still had to sit and wait.  Between big gaps of silence, we both expressed how we were anxious and nervous, but excited to finally be at this part of the exam.  Our OB came in and immediately said congratulations-something we've both been hesitant to accept thus far.  She asked how we were doing and I may have jumped down her throat with my, "NERVOUS."  She had read the medical history from the previous pregnancy and was very understanding.  She said she'd try to do the first part (talking part) as quickly as possible so we could get to the next part.  And she did just that.  Honestly, I don't even remember what we discussed, some brief medical history stuff, the last pregnancy, probably something else.  Then she brought in the ultrasound machine and it was time to change into my "paper towel" as Trevor called it.

First she did all the basics of a regular pelvic exam.  Then, first exciting thing, she confirmed my uterus has expanded (this is good!).  And finally, time for the big show!  The doctor got the ultrasound machine all set up, had Trevor stand by my side where he could see the screen and it was go-time.  She had to move around quite a bit at first (probably checking for quantity since I expressed that as one of my questions) then there we saw it, heartbeat and all.  I knew I saw the heartbeat before she said anything, but I kept it to myself.  I was afraid she'd correct me or something so I just waited.  At last, she said "I saw the heartbeat," and I said "me too" and the tears started flowing.  I still needed to know what the heart rate was and how baby was measuring, but this was huge hurdle number one.  Moving right along, she pointed out baby's head and arm while taking measurements.  Then she turned on the audio so we could hear the precious 172 beats per minute for ourselves.  Enter more tears.  She printed a few photos for us, honestly don't look like much to me on the photos (was much clearer on her moving screen), but I can pick out the head and arm.  But we know what we saw and we couldn't be more relieved.  A few noteworthy phrases from Dr. Carlson today were that baby looked "awesome," we "couldn't have had a more reassuring scan," and I don't remember the exact wording but we both know she said the word "perfect" a few times.  One of the photos says baby is measuring 8 weeks 4 days (one day off, no biggie at all), and the other says 8 weeks 5 days (right on schedule).  I can't express the excitement and relief, so instead I just want to keep typing about it, but I think you all get the point (reading this a few weeks after the fact).  Just for funzies-here's a close up of on of the photos we got:

The two plus signs indicate where the doctor is measuring, head to rump.  Left side is the head, and you can see an arm sticking up on top in the middle.  

Now we're both exhausted after such a long, emotionally draining (exciting!) day, so it's bedtime!

8 weeks, 1 day

I was home all day yesterday, but just too tired to write anything.  This week started out awful.  I had just started the Zofran which was helping, but I think my "morning" sickness was getting worse at the same time.  I was in a vicious cycle of needing the Zofran to be able to function at all, but I forgot how quickly that stuff made me constipated.  Let's just say it was a long weekend.  Luckily, the last couple of days I've been able to reduce the Zofran to three 4mg pills per day (instead of 4) and I actually feel decent.  Not great, decent.  I still take a nap whenever possible and get tired about 8pm, but this I can actually handle...with the help of Zofran that is.  My chest seems to keep growing and getting more sore, but I can handle that, too.  The feeling awful is the only thing really bringing me down right now.

I wore maternity pants for the first time on Thursday because I am SO BLOATED.  I truly think it's way too early for any type of baby bump, this is all the result of a high-carb diet (to settle my stomach) and some bloating/water retention.  

I had totally been slacking on household stuff, so today I was very pleased to be able to vacuum, do laundry, and empty the dishwasher.  That's about all the excitement I've got for this week.  We've graduated from an embryo to a fetus for those wondering what's actually happening.  I think we're both just getting really anxious for our first appointment (and ultrasound) on Wednesday!  All I want to hear is that everything looks okay.

7 weeks

My how things can change in a week.  The symptoms seem to be kicking in a bit more this week.  I feel more bloated-almost broke down and started wearing some of the maternity pants I've got stashed away, but instead I've gotten away with fastening my regular pants with a hair tie.  My chest has grown and gotten more sore.  I feel like I need naps even more.  And, the worst of all, my nausea has really kicked in, so much that I broke down and started taking the Zofran I have left from last time.  I haven't actually thrown up, but in some ways I feel like it's worse than having the flu.  At least with the flu you feel awful, throw up and have some relief, even if it doesn't last long.  With this, I just feel lousy all the time.  Oh, and I have a yeast infection-more common during pregnancy.  (I wasn't lying when I said this is where I'll put all the fun pregnancy stuff)

Trevor's been great-trying to keep anything that might smell bad away from me and not complaining that I'm too lazy to put laundry away.  He also spent all day today doing yardwork (fertilizing and weed killing) while I napped inside because I can't be around anything that kills weeds.  

Speaking of symptoms, it's getting to be my bedtime.  Here's this weeks picture...still nothing to see.

6 weeks

Apparently baby is the size of a blueberry today.  No major changes in the last week, but some legitimate pregnancy symptoms are slowly but surely creeping up on me.  I've started to get a little heartburn after eating and a tad nauseous (aka morning sickness) on a really empty stomach, at bedtime and when waking up.  So, I have been having a small bedtime snack and eating something right when I wake up to help with that.  I'm glad it's the weekend because I should be able to take a nap for the next three days-so much excitement ;)

Speaking of excitement, I'm still very excited about this and, honestly, feeling really good about everything.  However, I am starting to get a little more anxious for our first ultrasound since we're approaching the same time frame as our miscarriage.  Actually, our first appointment is one year exactly after our first appointment last time.  I went in at just shy of 8 weeks last time and heart the heartbeats (2) but then 8 days later went back and there were no heartbeats.  Our ultrasound this time will be at just shy of 9 weeks and I'm hoping she'll do another one a week or two after that to help reassure me the same thing won't happen again.

I imagine I'll say something to this effect with each post until we can announce everything, but to those of you I've avoided/spoken to recently, I'm so sorry I/we haven't told you.  Trust me, it's killing me, but at least until the first ultra sound I just want to keep it a secret.  We both do.  It's hard to explain unless you've been there, but even our very closest friends and family don't know.  I had a discussion with a friend about pregnancy after miscarriage and it's not even that we'd keep it a secret if we miscarried again, but we want to be able to tell people when we're ready to tell them.  We don't want to be obligated to keep telling everyone to make sure everyone gets the message.  We don't want to miss telling someone and, later, have them ask about the pregnancy (it happened last time very shortly after the fact and again near the due date).  And we don't want to have to comfort others about the news when we should be comforting each other.  I know, I hope it doesn't happen and like I said I truly am feeling really good about it, but we just want to be cautious.  So, there's my big pre-apology.  Sorry we lied, but we know you can forgive us :)

Anyway, that's about all for now!  Oh, and the picture, even though there won't be anything to see for a while...besides some bloating/water retention.

5 weeks

Not much to update this week, and I guess it hasn't even been a week since my last post anyway.  My symptoms are very slowly increasing and pretty different from last time.  I'm starting to get tired every afternoon (ok, that's about the only part that isn't different) and I take a nap on my days off work.  I get teary-eyed really easily.  I've started to feel just a tiny bit nauseous around bedtime and have had some really mild heartburn a couple times.  Very unlike last time, it takes a lot for me to feel full.  I just want to keep eating!  The biggest thing about all of this so far is just that it's really hard not to tell people!  

Apparently this baby is about the size of a small pea now and growing quickly.  Even though there's no baby bump yet (and probably won't be for quite a while), here's the 5 week photo.  Yes, there is a bump, but that's just a whole lot of bloating!

  

Oh, one more thing.  Those of you who have been pregnant (more specifically, those of you who have tried to get pregnant) are probably familiar with desperately searching for that second line on the pregnancy test.  Although I thought there was no way possible I'd get pregnant this cycle, I still got the positive pretty darn early.  Luckily, it doesn't matter and a line is a line, no matter how faint!  This was the first test I took last week.

And, just for fun, I took a different (and less sensitive) test yesterday.

That's all for now!

-A

4 weeks, 2 days

Holy cow.  We successfully hid my pregnancy at Jaqua's wedding and our big party.  There were some awesome hosted drinks at the wedding, and it would be pretty strange for me to turn that down.  So, I got a few drinks and would pretend to drink (backwash, basically) and when John and Mari weren't looking Trevor would take a big swig.  It appeared no one noticed, phew!

As for the party, that was going to be a little more difficult.  I drank water for the first few hours, telling everyone I overdid it at the wedding and needed to hydrate a bit.  I truly was tired so pulling off the sluggish hungover thing wasn't too difficult.  After a while, I started drinking.  The master plan was that I had a cooler of NA beer in our bedroom closet, and when I would go to the bathroom, I would also go into our bedroom and refill my own cup.  

Luckily, no one suspected.  At least I don't think anyone did.  I didn't get offered any shots, played beer pong with my NA beer and even switched to water at the end of the night so I "wouldn't get the spins."  In some ways I may be a bit paranoid about people figuring it out, but everyone's always on the lookout.  Rhya looked at me funny twice throughout the night thinking something I had said meant baby on the way.  Both times I just held up my beer and said something to the effect of "ahh... no!"  But, if any of you felt neglected or ignored at the welcome home party, my apologies.  The more I ignored you, the harder it was to keep it a secret from you.  Consider it a compliment.

I look like I have about a 4 month pregnant belly thanks to being bloated (pregnancy+eating all the awesome food people brought).  I'm tired, but we've been on the go since Thursday afternoon so that could explain it, too.  I'm pretty gassy, but I have eaten a lot of food and did have some NA beers so that could explain it.  My sense of smell is pretty fierce and after a big party like this I wish that weren't the case.  I feel like our whole house smells like a rotten, moldy, beer-soaked foot.  All in all my symptoms aren't too bad yet, but I'm just getting started.  It's interesting how different these pregnancies are already.  Last time this time (or even earlier, I got a positive test at 3.5 weeks) I was so miserably sick feeling, exhausted and had no appetite.  This time I'm already having to really watch what I eat because I just don't want to stop!

I'm procrastinating taking a belly photo because I'm so bloated, but I don't think that will be going away anytime soon.  There won't actually be any baby belly to see for a while, but I'm interested to see how it grows.  I may eat my words once I start getting bigger!

Got the first doctor appointment scheduled for June 20 and I'm pretty darn excited Trevor will be able to come along.  I'm very anxious to see our doctor and make sure everything is okay.  I'm almost positive June 20 was the exact day of our appointment last year where we found out we were pregnant with twins.  My gut tells me it's just one, but I'm also anxious to ask her "so, how many?" 

-A 

Here we go again! (4 weeks)

I don't think it's any secret that Trevor and I miscarried last June (2011).  I was carrying twins and to those of you who didn't know, sorry you're reading it here.  It's sad, always will be, but we're doing okay.  Actually...we're doing great!  We're already onto round two!

Here's how it's gone so far... Oh, and I might add, we'll be putting all the mushy gushy pregnancy stuff here, so proceed at your own risk :)  I realize not everyone thinks that stuff is cool so I'll mostly be keeping it off my Facebook and the other blog.

Trevor got home on May 4, 2012, a couple days too late to give this baby stuff a try...or so we thought.  We literally got pregnant the day he got home.  This past week, my period wasn't coming, but I didn't feel any different and took a test (Dollar Tree tests are the best by the way-seriously, plus they're cheap!) and it was negative.  Still no period, took another test-negative.  Yesterday Trevor and I went to Jon & Moe's for their groom's dinner.  Trevor stayed up there and is golfing with Jon right now.  On the way home I thought to myself, just take another test, who cares they're only $1.  So I did.  Now I've gotten pretty good at creating lines where they aren't, but this was no hallucination.  I am pregnant.  I called Trevor and told him I had a question and I didn't want Jon or Moe to hear his answer so he moved to another room.  Then I just told him.  This is all very surreal because we thought we had missed the chance this month.  So I took a photo of the test which makes the faint line even harder to see and sent it to him.  Three photos to be exact.  No response.  I'm in panic mode.  So, I text it to Tosha who has become a pretty good line inspector herself.  She confirmed it-two lines!  Then Trevor responded and agreed (I thought for sure he would say he didn't see it).  Trevor even asked Jon (a pretty logical dude and an OB-GYN at that) and he saw two lines, too.  WOW.  This is happening.

So, for fun, I took another one this morning and it was just a tad darker.  For those of you who have never tried to get pregnant, peeing on a stick may become a hobby (especially at only $1 a pop) when your time comes.  I did the math and I'm exactly 4 weeks today.  I never knew how pregnancy was actually calculated until I was pregnant myself.  Mini lesson: day 1=the first day of your period, approx day 14 or 2 weeks=ovulation and by the time you can actually take a test and find out you're pregnant you're about 4 weeks along.

Naturally, with everything we've been through, I'm nervous!  But I already feel different this time around (which may or may not mean a darn thing), so I'm just letting myself be excited about it all.  No symptoms so far (in the 10 hours I've known haha) other than some very minor cramping.  And, yes, that's normal.  I already called to get a referral to the OB we had last time because she was super amazing all around.  My next big pregnancy task is figuring out how to hide not drinking at Jon and Moe's wedding tonight and Trevor's welcome home party tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

-A